im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
