our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
