Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
