somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
