just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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