any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
