if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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