just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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