I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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