It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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