She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
