Already got asked if we're dating
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
