wrigley field is MILF paradise
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
