so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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