Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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