just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
where are my eyebrows?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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