I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
