no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize