i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
