Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
