I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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