i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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