Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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