And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the condom got lost in my hair
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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