My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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