weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
