i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
