cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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