This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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