She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
