I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
