i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
