We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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