I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
