Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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