Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
