I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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