if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
