I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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