Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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