It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
