this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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