I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
