just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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