seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
