I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
