i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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