i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk is a universal language darling
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
