i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
