I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
