i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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