he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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