I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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