i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize