party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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