I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
