Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
