I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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