I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
