I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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