Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
