so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
