It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
