all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
