fuck your aforementioned shoe
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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