sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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