Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
