Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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