i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
