he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
