i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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