Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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