you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
