Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I touched a dick in church today
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
