My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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