I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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