Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
