I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
