I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
