Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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