his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
