you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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