You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
