They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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