Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
