I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
